


Once Upon a Time

by Starshot



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, KakaObi Week 2019, Kakashi is way out of his depth, M/M, Obito is the Disney princess the world needs, Terrible First Impressions, This is basically a poor excuse for me to poke fun at fairy tale tropes, crack that got out of hand, the dragon is very old and bad-tempered
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 06:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17657756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starshot/pseuds/Starshot
Summary: ‘Who the fuck are you, and why are you in my bedroom?’‘I errrm… I was led to believe you needed rescuing,’ Kakashi said, trying to regain some of his lost dignity.The man snorted sharply. ‘And that’s how you ‘rescue’ people is it? By trespassing and assaulting them in their beds? There is such a thing as consent asshole,’ he spat, jabbing the candle holder at Kakashi’s chest.(Or - The little known story of how some friendly competition with Gai won Kakashi his very own happily ever after.)





	Once Upon a Time

_Gai draped his arm over Kakashi’s shoulders, leaning in conspiratorially, as though it was vitally important the other tavern patrons didn’t overhear what he was saying. ‘Legend tells that deep in the forest lies an enchanted castle, guarded by a fearsome and cantankerous beast. Within its walls dwells a princess of unrivalled beauty and youth, cursed by a wicked rival to an eternal slumber. It is said-’_

_‘By who?’ Kakashi interrupted._

_‘What?’_

_‘Who says?’_

_The other man’s eyebrows furrowed uncharacteristically. But after a brief pause he regained his composure, gripping Kakashi’s shoulders with bone-crushing enthusiasm. ‘An unimportant detail my eternal rival! Just think of the honour brought upon one who sets her free with their youthful vigour! So as I was saying, legend has it-’_

_Kakashi cleared his throat loudly. ‘I really think it’s quite important I know who’s doing the saying. So I can judge the veracity of the information.’_

_Gai’s face fell. ‘Well… they do? The legends?’ He shrugged like it wasn’t important. ‘Come on Kakashi, you know how these stories always go.’_

\---

The small stone castle stood amidst the depths of the forest, choked and overgrown by plants of every description. They clung to cornices, crept up walls, and cascaded down turrets, flowing like wild green waterfalls. Kakashi halted momentarily. It did look enchanted. Exactly like the sort of place you might find a beautiful princess, cursed to sleep until true love’s kiss freed her.

On his shoulder, a small pug shifted impatiently, glancing up at the arched window in the castle’s tallest tower. ‘What do you think boss?’

Reflexively, Kakashi’s hand fell to the hilt of his sword. ‘Maa, I think if the story really is true, that’s where she’ll be.’

Pakkun grunted. ‘Alright then. But be careful. The princess is never alone.’

Carefully, Kakashi pushed open the castle’s oversized wooden front doors. They led to a cavernous foyer with a wide staircase on the far side that swept up into darkness. Several entranceways branched off the foyer, appearing disused, but Kakashi ignored them in favour of making straight for the upper levels.

Stealthily he crept up the stairs, senses alert for any sign on danger. But the higher floors of the building seemed every bit as lifeless as the rest. After several wrong turns resulting in detours down armor-lined hallways to empty rooms, Kakashi at last came to a floor where the castle opened up, becoming lighter and airier. A gentle breeze wafted past him, carrying with it the soft scent of summer blossom.

It could almost have been pleasant, if it wasn’t for the eerie unnatural stillness to the entire place that made the back of Kakashi’s neck prickle. As though there was magic in the air. But perhaps that too, was just his imagination getting the better of him. Eventually his explorations led him to a steep spiral staircase that curved upward, curling back on itself several time before ending in a low doorway. This had to be the place.

Apprehension rising in his throat, Kakashi turned the doorknob and entered the room. It was richly furnished in velvet and mahogany, with hanging tapestries, a generous fireplace, and ornate windows leading to the small balcony he’d seen from the ground. But despite the general air of grandeur, he found his gaze immediately drawn to a sumptuous and ornate four poster bed - the obvious centrepiece of the room. And there, behind its sheer silky veil, a sleeping figure was clearly visible.

He sucked in a quiet breath. Looked like Gai had been right after all. Reverently he approached the bed, slowly pushing aside the curtains to see-

Pakkun chuckled. ‘Looks like the _legends_ weren’t entirely accurate.’  

‘Apparently not,’ Kakashi whispered, taking in the man who lay on his back, chest rising and falling gently, clasped fingers resting over his stomach.

He was tall and well-built; handsome even - with broad shoulders, pale skin, and strong features. Beneath delightfully tufted black hair, his face was peaceful in sleep, long eyelashes fluttering as though he might be dreaming.

Kakashi’s stomach executed an entirely unexpected flip.

‘We still gonna do this boss?’ Pakkun asked.

‘Of course,’ Kakashi said, feeling suddenly uncertain about the entire venture. A princess would have been easier. Just business, where this felt more… personal somehow.

‘Better get on with it then,’ Pakkun said, casting a suspicious glance behind them like he was expecting someone else to appear at any second.

A concern Kakashi couldn’t help but share. So far, this whole thing seemed like it had been far too easy. But considering the accuracy of Gai’s information about the ‘princess’, perhaps he’d just got the part about the fearsome beast wrong too.

Either that or Kakashi was at the wrong castle entirely.  

Pakkun jumped to the floor, allowing Kakashi to lean down and brush his lips across the sleeping man’s in a cautious, chaste kiss.

Immediately, his eyes flew open.

He shoved Kakashi away roughly, landing on his feet next to the bed with an ornate candlestick holder which he brandished menacingly.

‘Who the fuck are you, and why are you in my bedroom?’

As he spoke he looked Kakashi up and down, as though assessing whether he could take him in a fight.

‘I errrm… I was led to believe you needed rescuing,’ Kakashi said, trying to regain some of his lost dignity.

The man snorted sharply. ‘And that’s how you ‘rescue’ people is it? By trespassing and assaulting them in their beds? There is such a thing as consent _asshole_ ,’ he spat, jabbing the candle holder at Kakashi’s chest.

Kakashi dodged, taking a step back. This was _not_ how princesses were supposed to react. The ones in the stories always seemed to welcome their true love’s kiss, falling gratefully into their arms as tender music played, fluffy animals sang, and the whole world knew they’d live happily ever after.

Although now he considered it, perhaps the man had a point…

‘Aren’t you supposed to be grateful I broke the curse?’ he said, attempting to reason.

‘Curse? What curse?’ the man demanded, continuing to advance with his improvised weapon.

‘I was told you were under a sleeping curse,’ Kakashi tried desperately. ‘That someone had to kiss you to free you from it.’

The man stared blankly, looking entirely unimpressed. Then he laughed - a single sharp wry bark. ‘Let’s just - for a moment - ignore everything wrong with that idea, while you answer my first question. Who the fuck are you?’

Kakashi found his back against the door. ‘I’m um… I’m somebody who’s obviously been misled by some very incorrect information and arrived at what I can now see is the wrong castle. So if you’ll excuse me I’ll just-’

‘You were expecting a princess weren’t you?’ the man asked flatly.

‘I may have been,’ Kakashi agreed.

Rolling his eyes, the other man lowered his candlestick ever-so slightly. ‘Well fucking great. My very own Prince Charming. I don’t suppose you slew the dragon on your way up here?’

A cold terror gripped Kakashi. ‘Dragon? What dragon?’

At that instant, there was a terrific sound just outside the door, like a cross between a thunderclap and an explosion.

‘Never mind,’ his rescuee grumbled.

‘Hashiraaaamaaaa!’

With an embarrassingly audible yelp, Kakashi leapt away from the door, hand falling instinctively to his sword. The room was really too small a space to be fighting in, but if it was life or death, he was just going to have to make do. All too late, he realised he’d positioned himself directly behind the man he was supposed to be rescuing.

It earnt him a scathing look. ‘Oh no it’s fine, _I’ll_ protect _you._ ’

He opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out.

‘It’s not like he bites anyway,’ the man remarked sarcastically. ‘The old bastard lost his teeth years ago.’

Kakashi frowned. A dragon without teeth?

But before he could pursue the thought further, the door slammed forcefully open, swinging on its hinges. Behind it stood an old man with waist-length white hair, wearing slippers and a dressing gown that had fallen open to reveal far more of his chest than anyone would ever wish to see. Kakashi looked away, but it was already too late - he couldn’t un-see the way it was sagging, pasty, and wrinkled, just like the man’s face, which was pulled into the most disturbing wide-eyed snarl he thought he’d ever seen on a human being.

Suddenly, an actual dragon almost seemed like it might be preferable.

‘You’re not Hashirama,’ the old man barked, spittle flying from prune-puckered lips as he pointed his walking stick toward Kakashi in an accusatory manner.

‘No Grandfather, he’s not,’ the black-haired man sighed, setting down his candle holder and moving to try and cover up some of the excess skin on display.

The old man glanced between the two of them, appearing deflated, as if the wind had suddenly gone out of his sails. ‘What’s going on here Obito? Who is he?’ he demanded.

The man called Obito shrugged. ‘How should I know? He just turned up in my room.’

‘Why?’

Obito turned to Kakashi expectantly, the beginning of a sly smile tugging at his lips as he finally succeeded in securing the old man’s gown firmly closed. ‘Search me. Maybe _he_ can explain.’

Kakashi felt heat spreading across his cheeks, and really hoped it wasn’t showing on his face. ‘Maa, maa, just a misunderstanding that’s all,’ he placated. ‘Some bad information, and a bit of a mix up.’

‘Yeah I often find myself kissing strangers based on misunderstandings too,’ Obito chipped in helpfully.

The old man’s face took on a thunderous appearance again at that. ‘You’re here to steal my grandson’s virtue!’ he yelled, lunging at Kakashi with his stick. ‘Scoundrel!’

‘I wasn’t, I promise! It was just a bet.’

‘A bet!? You would deflower an innocent young man over a bet? Have you no shame?’

Clumsily, Kakashi dodged the old man’s attacks, cursing his poor tact. Where was Pakkun when you needed him anyway? He could at least be doing _something_ to help right now. Meanwhile Obito was just sniggering, wearing a darkly amused smirk that made him look anything _but_ innocent. Like he was probably letting this happen purely for his own amusement, and enjoying every second of it.

Before long though the old man ran out of energy, wheezing with effort and scowling at Kakashi. ‘You good-for-nothing miscreant,’ he spat, shaking his fist for good measure.

Mouth quirked unevenly, Obito stepped between them then, ushering the man back toward the stairs with a kind of well-practiced patience. ‘Come on Grandfather, I can look after myself. Surely you have something you’d rather be doing. Boiled cabbage to eat maybe?’

Somewhat mollified, though still scowling at Kakashi, the old man clutched Obito’s arm for balance. ‘Well, I did have some stamps to peel... Did you know if you can get them off the envelopes you can reuse them? It’s really the most duplicitous money-saving scheme…’

‘I’m sure.’

With the door firmly closed behind him, Obito turned back to Kakashi, wearing an utterly devious grin. ‘He doesn’t like you.’

‘I got that.’

‘I like things that annoy him.’ He considered Kakashi with newfound appreciation. ‘I think maybe you should give me your name.’

‘I’m Kakashi.’

Obito cocked his head as though sizing him up. ‘Kakashi huh…’

His gaze was different now though. This time it made Kakashi feel nervous - in a good way. He really was very attractive, especially that smile… Trying not to blurt out as much, Kakashi swallowed. ‘I really am sorry about before.’

Obito laughed, bright and cheerful, and Kakashi got the sense he didn’t actually mind. ‘You know…’ he mused, ‘You have truly terrible people-skills. But I suppose you _could_ make it up to me.’

He took a step closer and Kakashi had to remind himself to breathe. ‘Of course. Whatever you want,’ he managed.

‘A drink. And lunch. You’re buying.’

Kakashi nodded solemnly. That seemed fair.

‘Then if I like you, we’ll see about that kiss afterward huh?’

Kakashi nearly choked. _What?_

‘I’ve always fancied having my own Prince Charming,’ Obito said, grinning suggestively. ‘And you seem like you might be that way inclined.’

Some sort of strangled noise escaped Kakashi’s throat, and he nodded furiously, judging his dignity in this situation had long since been discarded anyway.

‘Lead the way to your valiant steed then, my prince,’ Obito said, with a mock-bow toward him.

_Talk about awkward._

‘I er… don’t have a horse. Only Pakkun,’ Kakashi said.

Obito quirked a curious brow. ‘Who’s Pakkun?’

‘Yo.’ The pug stepped out from behind the bed.

Eyes widening, Obito stared at the dog. ‘Oh my god,’ he said, burying his face in his hand. ‘You don’t have a horse, but you _do_ have a talking animal companion. I think you might be the worst Prince Charming _ever_.’

‘Well you’re the worst princess I’ve ever met too,’ Kakashi contested, a little more defensively than he’d intended.

Obito just laughed though, shaking his head and offering Kakashi his arm with a warm smile. ‘I suppose this might just work out then.’

Confused but happy, Kakashi accepted it, trying to imagine how surprised Gai was going to be when he found out he’d lost their bet. This was one story he was going to enjoy telling. Maybe after he’d had Obito to himself for a little bit though…

He smiled at his new date. ‘Let’s have that lunch and find out.’

**Author's Note:**

> So excited to post my first KakaObi week content! Tbh this was one of those ridiculous ideas that ended up getting out of hand. But in my defence I've been playing way too much Kingdom Hearts recently, and Disney princesses annoy the hell out of me.


End file.
